The thing about blogs is they were once an outlet to do a mind dump, a stream of consciousness type of writing. This is my third attempt at writing this particular blog post. I am also writing this revision on 4 hours of sleep. Just yesterday I submitted my materials for a fellowship application, so some of that revision process is still running through my veins. Also, a lot of philosophical-type thoughts are running through my mind, largely regarding life and the future.

My dad is a big supporter of taking yearly vacations. He bugs my oldest sister if she’s gone on a vacation yet and is wondering where she plans on going next. He does the same to me. This particular post is a reflection on my view of the state of life, hopefully a little philosophical and a little practical. Disclaimer: it may get ramble-y. It is a side effect of going a couple nights on a few hours of sleep.

I took 9 days this month to go on a Niagara Falls and French Canada tour. It involved a lot of sitting in a bus, getting on and off the bus, oohing and aahing, and napping. My pieces of technology were: a cellphone, netbook, MP3 player, and Nintendo DS. My cellphone is not a smartphone and I couldn’t use it half the time because we were really close to the border or in Canada (roaming charges and all). My netbook was wiped prior to the trip and I only installed a couple of casual games on it (Diner Dash and Luxor). My MP3 player and DS should be self-explanatory.

In short, for a gamer and student who is supposed to be working on a fellowship application, I didn’t have any of my tools to do so. I only used my netbook a few times just to play the games. I didn’t even log on the internet. I literally went off the grid.

It was a time of reflection and it was a time to admire the scenery. Literally and metaphorically. The trip was very nice. Canada and upstate New York are very beautiful places. The weather still had remnants of Hurricane Katia and the tropical storms that were spawned in her wake. It was mainly overcast with light drizzle, if that, the first day and the last day. It was sunny the rest. Since we were moving around so much, we basically left the stormy areas for sunnier pastures.

During the trip, it was something of a mental effort to avoid consciously thinking of how I could improve my proposal. I thought of bringing it with me to work on the plane/trip, but I decided towards the end that this was going to be my vacation. I ran the risk of ruining my vacation by burdening myself with just thinking about it, but every time I thought about it, I reminded myself that now was not the time. The trip itself was actually a gift from my dad since I had never been to the Falls. I was going to enjoy it. And enjoy it I did.

Vacations are interesting. Since I work with computers every day, they become a part of my life. In the larger picture, I hear stories of people bringing their work with them when they go on vacation. In essence, vacation has become an excuse to work in a different location for a little while.

I worked at Western Digital for a year. A subset of our group was assigned to be on-call during the weekends. Add to that my experience the first day as an official full-time WD employee … I worked a 12-hour day that day. Granted, 4 hours of it was in training/orientation (well, I think it was 5 because we ran late), but that was an omen of what work life was going to be. The 8-hour workday doesn’t exist any more.

So, what really makes vacations interesting is when I voluntarily give up the technology I work with every day. Internet, video games, email, web comics, Facebook, blogs, news sites. I manage, either because I unconsciously know that I will get back to it after the vacation or I’m just in need of some change, however temporary. When I get back, I try to resolve to not use the computer as much. This lasts a few days, but in the end, I revert back to “normalcy.”

One of the most shocking things this time was when I came back and found that the proposal I had been working furiously on for the past month and a half was not as interesting to me any more. Before I left for vacation, it was the feeling where you get really passionate about something and can’t imagine dropping it. Like, it would always be on your mind. It defined who you are and what you did. Well, it was sort of like that, but not to that particular extreme. It was something I was strongly interested in as I was working on it. It was mine. I came back from my trip and realized I wasn’t as interested in it as I thought I was.

A friend of mine used to work at a university. She is passionate about what she does, but she took some time to get some distance and perspective and realized that that particular job was not the right fit for her. Oddly, when she said that when we met up after coming back from vacation, I felt that explained exactly what I had just done. Except I’m sticking with what I’m doing for a little while longer.

So. The state of life. The increasing connection as a result of smartphones and social networking sites make it difficult for people to really take a vacation. The tour I went on was comprised mostly of seniors, seeing as it was during the first few weeks of school. I noticed one couple always taking advantage of the business centers at the hotel to log on to the internet. I noticed some people had Nooks and Kindles. Even the tour bus had wireless!

I don’t know if it is a cultural thing, to always be connected and in the loop. Is it such a bad thing to not be in the loop for a while? Isn’t that where stories originate from?

“Did you hear what happened to X?”
“No, I was on vacation.”
“Well …”

Instead it’s like:
“X is …”
“Wait, what?”
“Didn’t you hear? She posted it on Facebook last week.”
“No, I was on vacation…”

Similarly, I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I have a negative outlook on it because when I think of vacation, I think of cutting ties to the everyday and doing something different for a little while. A literal and metaphorical change of scenery. The last thing I want to do on a vacation is work, but I hear stories of people talking about how they were working on their vacation. They either complain about it, or they just accept it for what it is. It’s kind of disheartening.

If such a thing as cultural psychological health exists, I feel it’s unhealthy to be so connected. A little bit of distance every now and then is good to get some fresh air and let the dust settle. Culturally, I think that is being forgotten as demands to always be connected is very strong. We get into some kind of frenzied state that isn’t helping anyone and seems to be doing the opposite, hurting.

But, well, what do I know? I’m just one person in the larger machine of life. I do have a tendency to be a workaholic, but I also think that is tempered by my patience. When I lose my patience, I tend to lose interest. I do something else for a little bit and if it’s something I really care about, I come back to it. If not, it gets put on a shelf for display. It wasn’t entirely worthless, but it wasn’t something that ultimately deserved my time and attention. Sometimes, when I am in workaholic mode, a forced distance from the project loosens the intensity and lets me broaden my field of view because it tends to get very narrow and focused.

Again, it’s a play of balance. When is it good to get some distance? Sometimes, you just don’t realize that you need it, but when it happens, you realize the benefits even though you may have been dragged kicking and screaming away at the time. From the other end, too much distance and nothing will get done when there’s great potential. But being able to balance it well? Maybe as a culture we are workaholics and are using techniques to simulate distance but it really is not the same as the real thing and we are suffering from that.